I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
