I am midnight drunk by noon
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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