he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
