HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
