He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
