How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
