Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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