New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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