i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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