Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize