I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize