Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize