my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
