So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
