ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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