I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
