Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
