I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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