I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
