When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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