that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
