ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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