he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Randomize
