Tell her she can't have a vagina
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
