so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
