Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
