hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
