talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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