I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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