im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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