Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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