My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
