i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
