Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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