don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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