508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
