I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
