"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize