Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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