he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
