i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
