You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
please come you make the beer taste better
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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