Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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