I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
