I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
