so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
