tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
