do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Randomize
