youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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