Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
