If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
BRING THE BAGELS
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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