I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
