I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Moan for me like Helen Keller
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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