it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
