We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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