I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm bleeding and have questions
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
