You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
