you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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