my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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