oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
