At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
