I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
