Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
