In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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