Well douche your snatch and let's go!
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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