Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize