Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
