i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
