I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
