why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
