Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
